On Turning 60, My Bucket List and Eschatology by Marie Cartier

You will be reading this Feminism and Religion the day before I turn sixty.  For the past two decades I have had parties the night before I leave a decade—and “crossed over” at midnight, with the requisite amount of candles—forty, fifty and now sixty. I have everyone under the decade (in this case 60) on one side and those 60 and over on the other side and I will cross from my 50s to my 60s.   And so…I will also be doing that this year, the evening on which you read this. I will be crossing from one decade to the next.

I want to own all of the years of my life as deeply as possible.

And yet…there is and continues to grow now –“a bucket list.”

A bucket list seems to be analogous to the idea of heaven or “the end times.”

Eschatology is that part of theology concerned with the final events of history, or the ultimate destiny of humanity. Some of us who practice theology might call eschatology an examination of heaven—or rather, what we get if we do what we believe is right in God’s eyes.  

Heaven is the end of ordinary reality and a reunion with the Divine. One period of time comes to an end, and another begins hence we have phrases such as, “end of the world”, or the “end of life as we know it”. It is usually a crisis that brings an end to current reality and ushers in a new way of being. This crisis may take the form of the intervention of a deity in history, a war, a change in the environment, or the reaching of a new level of consciousness.

Eschatologies vary as to their degree of optimism or pessimism about the future. In some eschatologies, conditions are better for some and worse for others, e.g. “heaven and hell”.

Can we look at our ideas about a “bucket list” eschatologically? As we move through our lives, do we think again and again, as I have done, of the things that change ordinary reality to the divine reality? Is our bucket list an intervention in our history, a reaching of a new level of consciousness—or a war with our current lives?

This is my bucket list for my 60^th year. And perhaps you have one as well…do you ever think looking around at your current life…thoughts such as:

–“I want to go to Iceland…or at least make that reservation” (because they have a Feminist Parliament, Northern Lights and more folks that believe in fairies than anywhere else on the planet)…?

–I want to get (another) tattoo– of a snake biting into an apple and dripping blood as symbol of the fight women have done to enter into the world and leave the Garden of Eden with wisdom…? To celebrate Lilith, the first feminist goddess…? Do you think about a first tattoo…or another one as well?

–Or perhaps you want to see the Loch Ness monster—or at least try…I for one believe Nessie is real and think maybe I’ll see here, after all the ocean is our least explored frontier…?

–Or…finish that novel (parts of which have been published here in FAR)?

–Or maybe you want to visit Abiquiu where Georgia O’Keefe lived at Ghost Ranch  and do an empowerment retreat for women…maybe…?

–Or just celebrate that upcoming birthday in a grand style (such as walking through a line of 60 candles with witches around you calling in the directions and your friends wishing you well in the next decade)?

Our bucket lists allow us to dream, to make our lives bigger and more Divine…and yet…

This morning I took a new way to work and drove down the Coast and for half of the way (the way I would usually be stuck in bumper to bumper traffic) I was buffeted by sea breeze and palm trees. I have never taken this way to work and my wife has been telling me to take the Coast because she hates freeways and always drives that way if possible.

Usually the Coast takes a half hour longer—however with the new schedule I have, the traffic is so horrific I opted finally for the “longer” route—and, come to find out, the longer route is a better route! An extra half hour to take the Coast, even if the freeway is shorter —might be worth it in the end if it makes my life—more Divine.

I have been walking my dogs at night under the moon and stars and my suburban neighborhood looks so much more magical at night—and I have met the other nighttime dog walkers (I didn’t know they were out there until I went out there)!  The midnight joggers, and walkers…the veteran walking slowly with a walker at night taking his own time…and last night a woman training for a marathon in a wheel chair with wheels glittering with reflective lights. I met them and talked with them…all because I decided to walk the dogs at night.

I don’t have time during the day– I never seem to anyway (see paragraph above about commute). And now I look forward to my leisurely half hour under the stars with my “wanna be werewolves” as I call them…or rather Malibu and Collette and they also move from ordinary to Divine reality as their walk happens on a regular basis in moonlight and they meet the dogs of the night time community.

I have done yoga at the beach, in the park, at night, in the day, in a studio yes, but also in my office…standing on my head with the lights dimmed.

I have done yoga under the stars with my dogs running free…and every time I do yoga reality changes. I am reminded of the present moment as all the “momet” we really have.

As a yogi and a meditator and an old hippie J I spend a lot of time enjoying, hoping to enjoy, the present moment.

And yet—there is a bucket list.

The Bucket List:

I want to talk to Icelanders about their fairies and maybe see the Northern Lights. I want to finish my novel and also to just be in process with other writers at a coffee shop. I want to walk on the same ground as Georgia O’ Keefe and lie under the needle as I blaze into my skin my passion for women and religion. I want to get excited as I see a dark form and think…maybe that’s Nessie! I want all of that and –I can’t get it today.

But, creating it– the dream of it– is today. And living in a sacred way that is more magical than the ordinary life—can be today. I want that. I want to disrupt reality and have “heaven on earth,” if I can. I don’t want to wait until items on my bucket list set me free. I don’t want to live a life that I don’t like waiting for the bucket list items. And yet, I have a list.

Our personal heaven on earth may be our version of an evolving personal eschatology/ our version of heaven. And keeping a bucket list may be our version of a better “end times.” I believe the mix of the ordinarily sacred to quote Lynda Sexon and a bucket list of outside of our ordinary lives may be a good way to go as we traverse our lives decade by decade.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, and your bucket list items.

And–I’ll talk with you again soon– on the other side of sixty.

 

Marie Cartier. Dr. Cartier has a Ph.D. in Religion with an emphasis on Women and Religion from Claremont Graduate University.  She is the author of the critically acclaimed book Baby, You Are My Religion: Women, Gay Bars, and Theology Before Stonewall (Routledge 2013).  She is a senior lecturer in Gender and Women’s Studies and Queer Studies at California State University Northridge, and in Film Studies at Univ. of CA Irvine. She is also a published poet and playwright, accomplished performance artist, scholar, and social change activist. She holds a BA in Communications from the University of New Hampshire; an MA in English/Poetry from Colorado State University; an MFA in Theatre Arts (Playwriting) and an MFA in Film and TV (Screenwriting), both from UCLA; and an MFA in Visual Art (Painting/Sculpture) from Claremont Graduate University.  She is co-chair of the Lesbian-Feminisms and Religion session of the national American Academy of Religion and co-chair at the regional level of the Queer Studies in Religion session, founder of the western region Queer Caucus, and a perma-blogger for Feminism and Religion. She is also a first degree black belt in karate, Shorin-Ryu Shi-Do-Kan Kobayashi style, and a 500 hour Yoga Alliance certified Hatha Yoga teacher.