According to the Universe, the true nature of reality is relationship. In fact, at the level of quanta, the smallest objects in the cosmos, we don’t even exist outside of our relationships1. How different this is from our common 21st century understanding of ourselves as inherently alone in our bubbles of existence, our societies conceived of as a collection of individuals all wrestling each other for the basics of life. What if we took this truth about quanta to heart on our human level? What if we began to think of ourselves as not primarily alone, but rather as a node in a web of connection, an essential part of a greater, even universal, whole? How might our lives and societies be different? When I experience Goddess myths and traditions and look at some of the societies from which they rose, I seem to catch a glimpse of what this change in perception might be like in our daily lives.
The essentially relational quality of all beings is illustrated by experiments in which particles appear to go into a non-existent state when not interacting with another object, as for example, when electrons disappear until they interact with a screen and then seem to reappear2. According to physicist Carlo Rovelli, this idea can be expanded to our thinking about how every element of ourselves is constantly interacting. “…Instead of seeing the world as a collection of objects with definite properties, quantum theory invites us to see the physical world as a net of interactions”3. When we perceive our bodies as a collection of molecules constantly interacting with air, water, food, each other, and eventually everything in the cosmos to keep us alive, we see the true meaning of ourselves as a web of relationships. Beyond ourselves, we can consider “a tree absorbing energy, produces the oxygen that the villagers breathe while watching the stars, and the stars run through the galaxies, pulled by the gravity of other stars…” 4.
I see this perspective in the stories of Goddesses who have the special mission of showing humans how to have right relationships, like Ala of the Igbo society who was the lawgiver5 and the Greek Themis who symbolized the social cohesion holding communities together6. Also, throughout Europe millennia ago, fate goddesses were connected to weaving and the word “wyrd,” which stemmed from the concept of “becoming,”7 and gives us the image of reality as a web. Similarly, when goddesses withhold abundance or favor, it is often because of destruction of relationships, whether Demeter laying the world to waste over the abduction and rape of her daughter8, or the Canadian Asintmah who punishes hunters who do not do proper rituals for the animals they killed9.
We can also see this relational perspective in Old Europe’s matriarchal societies studied by Marija Gimbutas10 and current and past “Societies of Peace” researched by Heide Goettner-Abendroth11 and others. These societies, which often feature goddesses at the center of their religious and spiritual lives, value peace, gender equity, consensus, and an economy in which everyone’s basic needs are met, among other qualities. The society is focused on establishing ways for people to be in better relationship benefitting the whole community rather than coercion and the accumulation of wealth or power.
Let’s take a moment to turn off our common assumptions about ourselves and society and shift our perspective to thinking in terms of relationships. Consider life when we follow the rules of Ala or Themis, avoid exploitation by heeding Demeter and Asintmah; think of ourselves in terms of a web; and our dedicate our whole beings to our mission of making a better world. Do you find that some of the things you were worried about, like a promotion at work or winning an academic prize, are no longer priorities? Do you suddenly have time to reach out to all those friends and family members you haven’t spoken with in ages? Are you now really listening, especially to women, who are telling you about both the trauma and joy of their lives? So many dying people express the regret that they did not stay in better touch with friends12. We have a chance to learn and act on that lesson now.
On a community level, think of how we would change as a society if we could adopt this relational way of being found in Societies of Peace. What if our governmental and organizational budgets were focused not on spending money, but on supporting people so that all can offer their unique gifts?What global problems would be solved immediately if exploitation and dominance were no longer acceptable because they are bad for the community web of being? How different would our societal role models be if we held up those who worked hardest at improving other beings’ lives through good relationships instead of those who had the most wealth, beauty, or athletic ability?
Changing the world depends on altering our perspective, seeing what ideas and attitudes that we have assumed are true are not, and replacing them with other perspectives that actually help make the world into the peaceful, just, equitable, abundant, healthy place we would like it to be. We know in our hearts that relationships are essential to who we are not only because that is the way of nature, a fact we are reminded of by modern science, but also from ancient stories and lifeways, and just in the nick of time, too. I’m glad to be in relationship with all of you here at FAR, and I hope that maybe we can all think more about what it means to see ourselves in relationship, as less alone, as being truly one with all in the universe and each other.
Sources:
Dashu, Max. Witches and Pagans: Women in European Folk Religion, 700-1000. Richmond, CA: Veleda Press, 2016.
Gimbutas, Marija. The Civilization of the Goddess: The World of Old Europe. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1991.
Goettner-Abendroth, Heide, ed. Societies of Peace: Matriarchies Past, Present, and Future. Toronto, Canada: Inanna Publications and Education, 2009.
Monaghan, Patricia. Encyclopedia of Goddesses and Heroines. Novato, CA: New World Library, 2014.
Monaghan, Patricia. New Book of Goddesses and Heroines. St. Paul, MN: Llewellyn Publications, 1989.
Rovelli, Carlo, Helgoland: Making Sense of the Quantum Revolution. New York,NY: Riverhead Books, 2021. translated by Erica Segre and Simon Carnell
Rovelli, Carlo. Reality Is Not What It Seems: The Journey to Quantum Gravity. New York, NY: Pengiun, Random House, 2014, translated by Simon Carnell and erica Segre, c 2016
Ware, Bronnie. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc., 2012.
- Rovelli, Helgoland, 79. ↩︎
- Rovelli, Reality Is Not What It Seems, 119. ↩︎
- Rovelli, Helgoland, 79. ↩︎
- Rovello, Helgoland, 75. ↩︎
- Monaghan, Encyclopedia of Goddesses & Heroines, 4. ↩︎
- Monaghan, Encyclopedia of Goddesses & Heroines, 264. ↩︎
- Dashu, Witches and Pagans, 17-20. ↩︎
- Monaghan, Encyclopedia of Goddesses and Heroines, 235. ↩︎
- Monaghan, New Book of Goddesses and Heroines, 56. ↩︎
- Gimbutas, Civilization of the Goddess, vii-xi. ↩︎
- Goettner-Abendroth, Societies of Peace: Matriarchies Past, Present, and Future, 1-2. ↩︎
- Ware, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, v. ↩︎
feminismandreligion.com 
What a joy to read this post and see the words and ideas of Carlo Rovelli! I have read him myself and was also given a new vision of the interrelatedness of things and people and hope for the future. It warms my heart to see that you have had the same reactions. As you rightly say, the same themes can be seen in ancient societies with Goddess figures. Linking in the findings of quantum physics just shows that those societies were on the right track all the time and it is the modern age that has veered off the path…
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Why of course!
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Thank you for your kind words! Yes, I have often wondered what our world would be like if the societies that had birthed those myths had been able to develop on their original path. How different our lives might be!
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Hi Carolyn. This is great.
I often think that I fear trusting others in a community centered way because of my Evangelical upbringing.
It is not helpful because I really believe that heart centered communities are the answer to shifting our perspective. All the fear based illusion going on in my brain does not serve me.
I have been slowly following my heart. Asking for help from Goddess. I’ve found an art community where I work in ceramics. I sculpt my feelings and strangely many of my sculptures look like goddessses.
I am now contemplating taking classes on medicinal plants, how to grow and collect them. I’m hoping to find different communities that care about the stewardship of Earth. Tending to an ecosystem in “my” backyard is such a passion.
I feel this pulsating web of life everyday and I am grateful. We are all one interactive energy. It’s been such a process healing my own “stuff” which seems so small when I look at the whole picture.
Not sure if it’s my own brain but I always hear from what I believe to be Goddess “To get out (of self) you must go in (to self).” She also says “If it’s not in love it’s not divine.” I guess those little sayings have been a signpost to keep me moving forward. I hope in some way most of all for this planet.
I love the quantum and spiritual perspective of this. Thankyou.
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wow – it sure seems to me that you are on the right track! Congratulations!
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Thanks for your comment, Michelle! I love that you have found your path in working in ceramics and that many of your sculptures look like goddesses. I’ve found that in recent years when I go to art fairs or open studios, so many of the sculptures by women have aspects of goddesses or are clearly goddesses. There just seems to be something in working with clay that encourages our hands to make what our hearts most yearn for. I hope some day maybe you will share some of your sculptures in a post on FAR! I would love to see them!
I’m also so glad that you are finding resonance with stewardship of the Earth in your own yard and in medicinal plants. This is a path I started on many years ago, growing medicinal plants in my garden instead of the usual garden flowers and trying to make my yard sustainable. Over the years I have found that my attitude towards my garden and yard is much less one where I am planting and tending the garden and more where nature and I are co-creating the garden and yard together. I often find that herbs or native plants that I find have just taken up residence in my garden are just the ones I need for some issue I’m facing at that moment.
I love your insights of “To get out (of self) you must go in (to self).” She also says “If it’s not in love it’s not divine.” There is so much to think about in those!
Thanks again for all your thoughts!
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Thanks Carolyn for sharing your process in your garden.
I can so relate to the “co-creating” comment. We have a neighbor who has this big giant apple tree that she doesn’t tend to. Ten years ago I thought what a messy tree with wasps and earwigs in the apples. Now I am filled with gratitude for the diversity this beautiful Mother tree brings. She’s brought food for the Jay’s and squirrels, compost, and so much more. She’s such a grounding being and I love that she’s wild!
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You are so right. The nature of reality is Relationship… I think you do an excellent job with quantum thinking that certainly embraces relationship as reality. I see this most clearly in my relationships with nature, as a whole and with each individual – unfortunately I frequently lose that thread when it comes to people who are mostly living on both sides of the street. I have to remind myself constantly that I am part of this whole too and that we are one – if I behave differently – if for example I decide to work with my anger so I don’t act it out – I have made a choice not to project – I feel connected when I am with individuals that are able to embrace a larger holistic earth perspective or dealing with my own bias or ambivalence (ie. splits). That humans are just another species that inhabits this planet is real to me but not to others and I don’t know how to bridge that gap.
I do believe that Goddesses help us to develop parts of ourselves that we might not be able to access otherwise and embracing them may be more critical today because women have been so dis-empowered…I know how important the study of world mythologies has been to my thinking – along with feminist scholarship. both have helped me develop into a woman I respect deeply.
The problem here is that I have noticed that if you mention the word goddess outside of safe spaces like FAR or a few other feminist sites a mask of disbelief spreads over peoples faces and words are dismissed or worse. Some feminists do this too. If I want to be taken seriously I now omit the word goddess for the general public. I often omit feminist as well sticking to my own experiences and hoping that they might open a door for others. NEVER has anyone asked me what goddess culture is about – one reason I wrote an essay on what is the goddess or something like that and posted it on my blog (quite a long time ago). The bottom line is that Goddess energies empower us; they also give many the hope they need to go on.
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Thank you for your thoughtful comment! “The bottom line is that Goddess energies empower us; they also give many the hope they need to go on.” This is so true. I sometimes remind myself that it took thousands of years for the idea that divinity is exclusively male, and all the ideas and assumptions associated with that ideology, to take over our culture and that won’t be changed in even a few decades. I think all we can do is keep at it – writing, expressing our insights and ideas in however we are best able to, continuing to explore the centrality of relationship and the sacredness of every being on the planet – knowing we may not see the results ourselves, as frustrating as that is. I, too, sometimes phrase thoughts in ways that open channels of communication instead of closing them, “meeting people where they are,” as they say. It’s a delicate and difficult dance sometimes! I love your idea that “I have to remind myself constantly that I am part of this whole too and that we are one” – that is so important.
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Trying to “meet people where they are” is becoming more of challenge as the fate of life on the earth as we know it no longer hangs in the balance but is tipping towards destruction. I find it impossible to remain neutral (on a feeling level), and speaking out alienates, so I am stuck in the space in between.
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“[T]he true nature of reality is relationship” I agree with everything you (and everyone in the comments) say and would like to add another dimension: the maternal gift economy. We all need a motherer when we are infants in order to survive. How might our lives and societies be different if we all treated each other the way a mother treats her child, giving it what it needs, with the emphasis on relationship rather than quid pro quo or equivalence?
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Thank you, Judith, for mentioning the maternal gift economy. You are right – if we are lucky, that is the first relationship we have and it’s a model for how our other relationships should be and how we should structure our societies. It also gives us a clear, positive image to aim for as we all do our work for a better world.
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Wonderful post and comments. I couldn’t agree more!!
The mythic landscape reveals that the relational and interconnectedness of all life was of utmost importance to our ancient ancestors. Modern science is now agreeing. Hopefully the way we act, which seems to be based more on Newtonian physics and the belief that we humans are separate from and better than nature, together with the stories that world view creates, will change. More and more people are telling stories of our interconnectedness and the importance of relationship, sharing and balance. Thank Goddess for FAR where we can all speak of Goddess, feminism and a caring and sharing world of relationship without fear of the raised eyebrows and weird looks.
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Thank you for your comment, Judith. Yes! The ubiquitousness of ideas of inter-relationship in global myths tells me also that when people observe nature without having been brought to believe that Newtonian physics is settled natural law they see interconnectedness, that it is just common sense to observe that the world is based on relationships. I’m always amazed at how often I find out that the things I assumed were true are really just ideas a few centuries old that are now being disproved by looking deeper into our universe.
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