Empowered? I thought so. At least sometimes. I was barely an adult when I entered the sex industry at the young age of eighteen. I had little life experience, was high school drop out, and was forced out on my own a year earlier. I quickly found that the fast food industry offered me little chance of survival. After working seven days a week (with 3-4 of those days being double shifts), barely making my bills, and living off of a tub of expired granola I took from work (and the one meal a day I was provided on the job), I could not help but be enticed by the idea of making hundreds of dollars a day for simply taking off my clothes.
It was a woman I worked with who introduced me to the idea. Her sister was a “stripper” and dating the manager of a local club and she suggested I audition to be a dancer. The wages were more than I had ever imagined earning and I was tempted on many levels to take her advice. Being able to support myself comfortably seemed the answer to my problems, even if it meant violating my moral code.
After giving it some thought, I showed up at the club to see what it was all about. I met the manager, “John” who was quick to tell me how beautiful I was. He said I did not need an audition, that I could start the next day and I could dance in a bikini. He was quick to calm all my fears and convinced me that the money I would earn would far outweigh any feelings of embarrassment or shame I might have. Besides, I wasn’t going to do anything I wouldn’t do at the beach. It wasn’t a big deal. And so, with that reassurance I signed on to leave the world of fast food behind and become an exotic dancer.
I did not realize at that moment that I was entering the sex industry or that I would be a sex worker. I simply thought I would finally be able to pay my bills, eat more than granola, buy shoes, and maybe even a car. The long term impact did not occur to me, nor did any of the risks I was exposing myself to.
Dancing in a bikini lasted for about three weeks, enough time for me to get my feet wet and then be coerced by management to remove my top. I was told that I would triple my daily earnings, I would be offered better shifts, and connected with high spending customers. It was a slippery slope, once I was in I slowly fell deeper into the abyss. The first time I went topless was humiliating, I cried and wondered what I was doing. That said, I had quickly become addicted to the money I was “earning” each night. Eventually the environment itself became my new normal. The other women I was working along side were doing the same things and we all justified it – we were just dancing, we weren’t prostitutes…we had standards.
Initially, I did feel empowered, beautiful, wanted, desired. I thought that I had taken control of my own life; I had a closet full of shoes, a new wardrobe, and a fridge filled with food. I bought a new car and was receiving more attention from men than I ever had before. I was working less, making more money, and having fun. But I was naive and did not understand all the complexities of the situation.
As I became more trusted by the other women, I was offered other opportunities. They were always introduced as a great chance to do little work and make great money outside the club. Of course the work was always downplayed, just doing what we do in a different venue. The first time I agreed, I was surprised to show up and find that I was expected to perform oral sex on another woman for an audience. I was lucky to escape without injury after being shoved around a bit when I refused to participate.
However, it wasn’t long before I continued down the slippery slope. I ended up dancing in a nude club, posing for pornographic magazines, and while I never engaged in intercourse, I did engage in various sex acts, sometimes willingly and sometimes not. The men who were my customers had little respect for me, it meant nothing to grope me, to molest me, to treat me less than human. One of my most vivid memories is of a man grabbing me by the hair in the club and calling me a whore. I responded saying “You can’t talk to me like that!” and he said, “If I can’t talk to you like that, who can I?” It was true; I was the type of woman men came to see to objectify, to abuse. It was my job to be a “whore.”
I wondered, “Who will accept me after committing such shameful acts? How can I live with myself?” The empowerment I felt had vanished; the judgement I felt from others and myself was harsh. I was emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually wounded. I wondered if God would ever accept me again. The divine was so absent from my life, I did not feel worthy of love.
After five years I left the business, filed bankruptcy, and tried to start over. I attempted to block memories of my days in the sex industry and pretend it never happened. As much as I have tried to ignore it, the sex industry is a part of my past, a very damaging part of my life. I haven’t healed and I’m not sure I ever will. Now as I read about claims that sex work is empowering, an opportunity for women to take control of their lives, celebrate their sexuality and their bodies, I can only assume they come from persons who have never been in the business. My experience certainly tells me otherwise.
There is a larger structure that demands women be objectified the way I was. Did I have agency? Did I “choose” to participate in the sex industry? To an extent yes, but I think if I had any other options at that time, not to mention guidance, I would have made a different choice. If there was such a thing as a do-over, I would like to think that I would choose differently, but I still wonder how I would have broken out of the situation I was in. There are so few options for women to earn a decent living. It is disappointing and troublesome that we as a society have identified sex work as “the” option for women, particularly when such shame is attached.
So while I support sex workers and certainly empathize with their lived situation, I also think there is no empowerment in sex work. I don’t deny women’s agency, but I cannot deny the scars I carry; my continued shame and lack of self worth have left me spiritually lost. I post anonymously because I am unsure I will ever be able to acknowledge my experience publicly. My fear of rejection and total loss of self is too great.
feminismandreligion.com 
Thanks for your brave post. I am glad you mentioned the economic issues involved. We need to remember that as we destroy economic opportunities, we are destroying lives. In reading your story I notice elements of “grooming” that sadly remind me of stories involving child abuse. I hope your story will encourage other women to think twice before they think that they can divorce “self” from the abuse of their bodies. It is abuse when men are paying to have sex or other gratification without feeling or regard for the woman involved. I am sure thinking about other girls and women is what gave you courage to speak. I hope you also find a way to forgive your younger self. Perhaps you can create a ritual for yourself, perhaps involving immersing yourself in water, that will enable you to forgive yourself, and regain your sense of your value and worth. I am so sorry we live in a society where even one single man wants to pay young women to do the things you were paid to do. Last year Ashton Kirshner developed the slogan, “Real men don’t buy girls.” Maybe we should be saying “Real don’t buy women or girls.” It worries me that sex parties and visiting strip clubs are becoming normalized as part of “business.” And bachelor parties? Do they really have to involve strippers and …? I don’t judge women who have been involved in the sex trade, and I also am grateful you have told your story. I long for a world in which the “choice” you made becomes unthinkable because there are no longer any men in the world who want to buy women. Bless you!
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Thanks for sharing your story so honestly.
I do hope at some point there will a safe time and place and even faith community where you’ll be able to do so openly.
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I am sorry that you have had such a hard life and that you have been scarred by your experiences.
That said, I have to say that you are being somewhat hypocritical on a number of fronts.
You relished the money that working in the sex industry gave you (I am not judging you for being a sex worker or those who have done it or who are still part of it). You made that choice. You may have been very young when you chose that life, but I would hazard a guess that you were worldly enough to understand what kind of likfe this might lead to.
You enjoyed the attention. I see this as a common thread for many (not all) women; I am a male, by the way. You wanted to be desired, and then were distraught when you were desired too much, maybe? Or perhaps you felt it was the wrong kind of attention. In any case, it fed your ego. Men wanted you and you did what you could to command that attention (attention=money) until you didn’t want the attention anymore (which you have every right to do) and then it became ‘wrong’.
You say the men who were your customers had little respect for you: did you have any respect for them? If a man wanted your services (purely visually) but didn’t have enough money or even any money, would you have given them to him? I would hazard that you would not have a large amount of respect for him in that case. Did men objectify you? Yes. Did you objectify them? YES (they were sources of money and attention for you and I would be willing to bet not much more).
I don’t know what kind of dancing you did or where you did it. If there was a ‘no contact rule’ and the men touched you without your permission, then then were unequivocally wrong and should have been thrown out and if you felt the need to press charges, I would support you. But if you were giving lap dances (again, more money) or engaging in some other activity where contact was expected, then how were you molested? I don’t know which kind of club you were in, so I cannot comment any further.
Lastly, you say this: ‘There is a larger structure that demands women be objectified the way I was. Did I have agency? Did I “choose” to participate in the sex industry? To an extent yes, but I think if I had any other options at that time, not to mention guidance, I would have made a different choice…There are so few options for women to earn a decent living. It is disappointing and troublesome that we as a society have identified sex work as “the” option for women, particularly when such shame is attached.’
EVERYONE who has been disadvantaged can say that ‘if society had given me a better support system, I would not have had to make such a terrible choice’ (I say “terrible choice” because I think you feel it was terrible for you. I am not judging women who may feel it is a good choice for them). There are so few options for minorities, immigrants, under-educated people, disabled people, over weight people, etc. The list goes on and on. In addition, I am unaware of sex work as being ‘the option’. I know plenty of female doctors, business women, etc. One of my sisters is a principal, the other holding a degree in math.
Again, I truly do feel empathy for your prior situation (I, too, have been in situations where I had to eat the same food for monthS (not one month) and your current situation and the guilt that accompanies you. But please do not make it seem like there was no balance to it. Yes, your ‘customers’ had advantages over you, but you had advantages over them as well.
I wish you luck and happiness in your future journey.
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How quickly a man like “Me” judges a woman like “Anonymous.” Why is that, Me? Don’t we all relish the money we make? As “Anonymous” tells her story, she actually NEEDED the money to make ends meet; she didn’t get into exotic dancing to relish the money, even if she relished it once she had it. I don’t think you understand what it’s like to be a woman in a patriarchal society. Yes, women often want attention. Why? Because we’ve been socialized to believe that attention will give us what we need, especially since we don’t get much respect from patriarchy as women. And if you’re a young woman, without higher education, and probably from a class background that would make it almost impossible to become a principle or get a college degree in math, there are few options to make good money, unless you’re very lucky. Your statement that “Anonymous” objectified her male customers makes me wonder if you can even imagine the situation she describes. The sexual objectification created by the situation of exotic dancing comes from the society at large as represented by the male customers, who are seeing the dancer as just a possible sex partner, thereby denuding her of any other qualities. To protect herself from this kind of objectification, the exotic dancer has to do one of several things: a) Like Dolly (below) be confident that she is “intelligent and beautiful and that dancing naked doesn’t change that,” or b) create a distance between herself and her customers that you might define as objectification, or c) probably both. I have no idea how you can come to the conclusion that “Anonymous” had advantages over her customers. There is no way that I can read her story in that way.
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“You say the men who were your customers had little respect for you: did you have any respect for them?”
Well, let’s see: did she grab them by the hair and call them “whore?” Did she grope them non-consensually? Did she lie to them in order to get them alone, then demand that they perform a sex act they didn’t want to do, and then “shove them around” before they managed to get away? You say you don’t judge, and then heap judgement on her for simply not FEELING warm and cozy toward the customers in this hostile environment.
She did everything possible to please the customers because her living depended on it. They were free to treat her with contempt if they wanted to, with no consequences to themselves. That’s a pretty clear illustration of who had the advantages here.
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Sweet sister, thank you for sharing your story. You sound like a very strong person. I wish you hope and light to shine on your path. Are you familiar with a new network called Survivor Connect Network (http://survivorsconnect.wordpress.com/) which is basically a peer network of survivors of the sex trade. In this network, there are some very spiritual women of faith who may speak very powerfully about their own ongoing story of restoration and healing and they have illuminated to me the overlap between prostitution/sex work and trafficking. Agency is a continuum as you describe… The founder is an inspiring woman who I am sure would be a great resource. I myself have been so perplexed and distressed seeing how many women’s groups seem to be aligning themselves with patriarchy in normalizing a practice which at its core is exploitative and dehumanizing. My mother and I attended a global women’s gathering in Istanbul last April and were disheartened by the one-sided view of prostitution/sex work that was presented: young college-educated women who put themselves through college doing sex work and did it in their own agency and empowerment who’d stand up in workshops and get applause from the audience. As someone who has engaged in Cambodia and elsewhere in the anti-sex trafficking movement, I was shocked that at this global womens conference focused on the economic empowerment of women and girls that there was absolutely no mention of the anti-trafficking movement and no effort to let the “other side” of the story be heard: that this “business” reflects for most girls/women a lack of other economic alternatives and often a history of various forms of abuse that have “groomed” them for this decision. Speaking out (however you do it) is putting yourself in solidarity with womankind all over the world who together are diminished by the normalization of a “business” that preys on women’s economic vulnerability and treats women’s sexuality as something that can be bought and traded. Anyway, i wish you love and peace and perseverance on your journey and for the simple gift of the joy of being this day.
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My heart goes out to you. I truly hope you find the healing you need.
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So I’ve been stripping for awhile as a job during my college years, I’m a junior at a university and I can honestly say that none of this has happened to me. I’ve never had anyone offer me to do “jobs” outside of the club, and I have never taken part of that. I feel like stories like these just fuel stereotypes that all strippers are these “broken” people, and that we all end up being prostitutes. Some of us know who we are, and do not feel ashamed to be dancing, because we know we are beautiful and not “whores.” I know that I am intelligent, beautiful, and confident, and my dancing naked does not change that. While I sympathize with your situation, not all of us are sob stories.
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I completely agree, Dolly. I’ve worked as an escort and feel no shame or embarrassment. I am truly sorry for this woman’s experience, however it is hurtful to me that she discount the possibility that other women can have different experiences.
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I think it is great for anyone who knows what they are getting themselves into, You have to know that you are ALWAYS in control of the situation, no matter what anyone says! I’m glad you also had a decent experience :)
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I sent a long reply earlier. Not sure if it got censured out?
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Hi Emily, I do not see any other comments from you on our queue – please feel free to resubmit. UPDATE – for some reason it went into our spam folder. I have now restored it. Thanks!
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Thank you for sharing your story.
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i have known a couple of sex workers in my time. one was a heroin addict. one was an alcoholic. on those terms, it is empowering, as somebody explained to me. there are certain jobs you need to be high to do.
jennie ketcham, a former porn star, has come out on this subject.
http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/11/11/does-pornography-deserve-its-bad-rap/pornography-does-lasting-harm-to-performers
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i would like to add that the model alliance, working toward a union for models and child labor laws for underage girls, is more and more bringing out testimony from models who were pressured into nude photos, and much more, as very young girls. supermodel kate moss is the latest, talking about how a revered fashion photog made her pose nude at far too young an age in an interview in vanity fair.
http://modelalliance.org/
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2012/10/kate-moss-years-of-crying-johnny-depp
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Thanks for sharing your story. It’s painful to see how much shame and stigma you’re feeling, while the men who grabbed you or called you a “whore” probably feel none. I’m glad you put your story out there to counter the romanticized view of the so-called sex industry that the media seems to like so much.
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@Nancy Vedder-Shults- Thank you for your response. If I came off as being harsh or judgmental, that is the fault of my poor communication skills and I apologize for that. I stand by the essence of what I stated, however.
You state she ‘needed; the money. Can you tell me, in a non-judgmental way, who does not need money? That is, do not arbitrarily state that someone is your opinion has enough and needs no more. Everyone is in need of money. It is up to the individual to decide how best to obtain it. She made the decision to choose the route she chose; not society.
The socialization of ‘need for attention’ is not not a burden put solely upon women by men. I see instance after instance where women judge and praise or demean other women by their looks. Men do look at attractive women. I would be lying if I stated otherwise. But women do the same and more. I recently joined FaceBook and I see a myriad of pictures taken by friends and friends of friends. Almost invariably, when a picture of a woman is posted, one of her female acquaintances will state that she is some variant of ‘pretty’. I do not see any men doing that. Granted, this admittedly small sample, includes college aged women who are very serious about their studies and they presumably do not socialize with guys who would say things like ‘You look hot’, etc. But it is the women who praise the other women on their looks. I tell me GF that she is beautiful; I also tell her just as often that I love her because of her personality and her intelligence. I know that it would be socially strange to leave a comment regarding intelligence on a FB picture; I use that as an example. But the fact of the matter is that men do not read Elle, Vogue, Mademoiselle nor are they the target audience of the Style network, etc. Those are commercial entities for women, run mostly by women (probably. If I am wrong, please educate me). It is not fair to push ‘the need for attention’ off onto a patriarchal society when women engage in the exact same behavior frequently. It is the individuals choice to behave in a certain way. No one is under duress or being coerced.
My parents were immigrants and my siblings and I grew up in the Bronx, NYC. Have you ever lived in an apt with roaches? I have. Mice? I have. Where drug dealers roamed the stairwells? I have. My parents, who did not attend college, reinforced that obtaining an education would be our best path to success (I say that without judgment. The path to success for someone else may be a different route and as long as it is legal, I do not judge). I eventually graduated with a BS in Physics from Stanford University (very glad Steve Chu is Sec’t Energy. I met him once) and earned an MD from The Pritzker School of Medicine. I’m sure you all can tell that I have no skill with expository writing (small joke).
My point? Your statement ‘And if you’re a young woman, without higher education, and probably from a class background that would make it almost impossible to become a principle or get a college degree in math, there are few options to make good money, unless you’re very lucky.’ does not ring true for me or my siblings.
The idea of objectification is an interesting one. I feel like we all objectify other people. The example I usually use is that of the customer and the cashier. While both may exchange pleasantries when in contact, the truth of the interaction is as follows: the customer only wants the good purchased and exact change. The cashier only wants the exact amount in cash or credit. Beyond that, the two people do not care about each other. If the cashier could be replaced by a machine, most customers would not care and if the customer was an automated machine that picked up the goods in lieu of the person, the cashier would not care. This is not meant to be a parallel, but an example of objectification.
Now if the argument is that certain types of objectification are worse than others, then my point is moot, but I personally do not think so. I think all objectification carries equal weight. So yes, Anonymous objectified her customers. They were a source of money for her and nothing more. I am sure she did not want to get to know them as people, just as her customers did not want to know her as a person. I am not sure how you can separate the two. To put it another way: do you who your sanitation person is? They are a human being with feelings and problems. But I am willing to wager that you are only interested in making sure that they pick up your garbage on time and nothing more, just liek they are only interested in making sure you pay them.
I suppose we will never see eye to eye, but that is ok. Thank you for the response and have a great weekend.
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“I feel like we all objectify other people. The example I usually use is that of the customer and the cashier.”
I don’t know where you shop, but if it involves the customers calling the cashier derogatory names and pressuring them for sex acts they don’t want, then no, they’re not objectifying each other equally.
“To put it another way: do you who your sanitation person is? They are a human being with feelings and problems. But I am willing to wager that you are only interested in making sure that they pick up your garbage on time and nothing more, just liek they are only interested in making sure you pay them.”
That’s actually a great example. Some people have so little regard for the garbage collector’s humanity that they’ll throw something toxic or dangerous in the trash without a second thought. When that happens, the garbage collector might think some very mean, dehumanizing thoughts about the customer. The garbage collector’s objectification of the customer has no effect on the customer’s life, but the customer’s objectification of the garbage collector could have some very harsh real-world consequences.
It would be wonderful if we lived in a world where we were all equally powerful and “always in control of the situation,” as someone said above. We don’t live in that world, though I hope to someday.
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I said this: ‘Now if the argument is that certain types of objectification are worse than others, then my point is moot, but I personally do not think so. I think all objectification carries equal weight.’
Do not put words in my mouth. I never said she should feel warm and fuzzy because she was a sex worker. What I said was that being a sex worker gave her money and attention, two things that she wanted and she was ok with that until she wasn’t. Where do you see judgment in my words from that statement? I challenge you to point it out.
[Here is my quote from my initial post-‘I don’t know what kind of dancing you did or where you did it. If there was a ‘no contact rule’ and the men touched you without your permission, then then were unequivocally wrong and should have been thrown out and if you felt the need to press charges, I would support you.’]
You do not agree, but that is ok. I actually feel that all objectification is inherently the same, if differing in degree. And to clarify, if it was not made clear before (but I feel as if I did in my initial post), anyone breaking the law (unwanted touching, shoving, etc.) should be punished legally. None of that changes the fact that she danced for money. She said she did. So if she were not paid, I doubt she would listen to a hard luck story from a male as to why she should give him a free dance. The customer was a source of money and nothing more. In the culture that was set up in the club, there is nothing wrong with her looking at the men in that fashion. But it is false to create a scenario where the dancer is there for humanitarian interests and the patron is there for lecherous reasons.
Do you know if she called the men ‘tricks’? ‘Losers’? ‘Cheaters’? Did she go into his pockets while he wasn’t looking to boost his money from his wallet? Set him up to get robbed in the alley? I’m not saying she did because I have absolutely no proof of what she said; these are hypothetical scenarios, but do you not think that men get called those things/have these things happen to them often? You have no idea what she thought of the men she performed for. Was calling her ‘whore’ out of bounds? Yes. Was touching her, physically/mentally coercing, wrong? Yes. I am not defending that behavior, although since you bring it up, it seems like you project that onto me. That’s fine to do, I guess. But you are hearing one side of the story and creating a scenario where the men are villains and the women do no wrong. I am sure the real truth is that both genders engage in reprehensible behavior.
Side note-I am sorry Anonymous. None of what I am saying in this post is directed at you. This is all in response to Laura Loomis.
Objectification is needed in this world. There are too many people, too many problems to allow oneself to become emotionally enveloped in a morass of sadness and unpleasantness. I do not see how one can function if they extend the same level of care and concern to virtual strangers that they do to the people closest and dearest to them.
If you actually do deeply care about every single person you meet, then you should be upheld as a shining example of humanity.
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Dear “Me,” thanks for stayng with the conversation. You are right some people (including you and me) do “rise above” their class backgrounds and other obstacles in their way. You did and more power to you. I hope your example will inspire others. But I don’t think this should cause us to judge those who didn’t have the “inner strength” (where does that come from?) or encouragement (in my case it was a high school guidance counselor and sacrifices by my parents and later a college advisor) or sometimes just plain luck (I was lucky that scholarships were more widely available than they are today) that enabled you and me to achieve things that many others from our class backgrounds did not have the opportunities to achieve. Yes we also worked hard, I worked my bu%% off and I am sure you did too, but that is not the whole story. My sense is that anonymous wrote her story not to “encourage” other women without opportunities to take up stripping, but rather to convince them not to take this road–even when that might mean working for a really low wage and then struggling to get out of poverty.
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Thank you Ms Christ, for engaging me. If I am not mistaken, I read the article you published about your college adviser encouraging you to follow in his footsteps in college (I seem to remember that he disappointed you at a college reunion, but I could be mistaken, If I am attributing this anecdote to you incorrectly, I apologize).
I agree with your assessment. I believe this was meant to be a cautionary tale. I truly hope that my words do not come off as judgmental to Anonymous. I give her credit for even sharing this story with everyone.
Lastly, I hope that I am doing my fair share to defend my point but not come off as someone who simply wants to be disruptive. I am not here to be a troll, but to provide a differing point of view. I am not conforming to the guidelines of this forum, please do not hesitate to point me to the forum rules, etc. I seek discussion not discord.
Thank you again.
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“Me,” I don’t think you’re trying to troll, and I don’t think you’re “defending” the abusive behaviors we’re discussing. My point was that you seem to be making a false equivalence between the customers’ grossly disrespectful ACTIONS and Anonymous’s (presumably disrespectful) FEELINGS, as if the two balanced each other out. In trying to make it equal, you even started inventing actions for her out of whole cloth:
“Did she go into his pockets while he wasn’t looking to boost his money from his wallet? Set him up to get robbed in the alley?”
Since you acknowledge that there was no reason to think she did, there was no reason for you to even come up with this. You felt I was putting words in your mouth; please don’t put imaginary actions in her hands.
“Do you know if she called the men ‘tricks’? ‘Losers’? ‘Cheaters’?”
Certainly not to their faces, since it would have meant losing her job. They were free to call her worse things, and they didn’t have to worry about losing their livelihood for it. I’m not suggesting that every customer did that; I’m just pointing out that they had more power than she did.
Also, I think we’re discussing two different meanings of the word “objectify.” You defined it as not “caring deeply” about the other person. But the objectification she experienced was of men seeing her – and treating her – as LESS than them, LESS than human in some cases, not just a lack of emotional connection.
I think you and Carol are right about Anonymous writing this as a cautionary tale, and it was very vulnerable thing for her to do. I can’t help thinking what it might feel like from her point of view when the first man to respond calls her “hypocritical,” suggests that she was “worldly” enough to know what was going to happen (the implication, perhaps unintended, being that she was at fault if she didn’t), and tells her that she had “advantages” over her customers when that’s not what she experienced. It came across to me as judgmental; that may not have been your intent.
I think it’s ok to acknowledge that there are situations where the power is unequal (not usually all-or-nothing, but unequal). Someone trying to survive economically is at a disadvantage compared to someone who has the material and social advantages that come with money. And the stigma on sex workers is very one-sided; there’s no word for the customers that packs the emotional wallop of “whore” or the other words we all know for sex workers, particulary women. All of this sets up a situation where the power is unequal, and I don’t know how inequality can be changed if we don’t recognize that it’s there.
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Hi Anonymous,
I know I am way late jumping in here but I have had final papers to contend with here at Harvard Divinity School. Like you, I am a former sex worker. I carefully read your post over and over again to discern its logic and sentiments. This is the part that I was wondering about – the conclusion.
“I also think there is no empowerment in sex work. I don’t deny women’s agency, but I cannot deny the scars I carry; my continued shame and lack of self worth have left me spiritually lost. I post anonymously because I am unsure I will ever be able to acknowledge my experience publicly. My fear of rejection and total loss of self is too great.”
I came out using my name and faced the ‘shame’ as you perceive it. I reject it. I know it is there to do harm – ONLY if I give shame power to control and define me.
What is the flip side of shame? Is it dignity or honor and who controls this? I struggled with it and discovered that Butler was right – social construct theory/strategy uses shame to shape, divide, and control those not in primary power. That has been the woman’s story – easy to see.
Why, I asked, do I need to internalize this socially constructed shame when it has zero to do with how God knows me?
What is more – I discovered that the shaming forces were stronger between and among women than between men and women. Whoa – I then wondered about this – why? Why is it that there is a proud feminist refrain – “Mary Magdalene – She was NOT a prostitute!” I gave a speech on this at SBL and at LUC and I pushed back – what are we saying, as feminists? “Mary Magdalene, she was NOT like YOU!” And I thought we were sisters.
I came face to face with the binary of honorable/dishonorable woman that has been forced on women as a substrata within patriarchy – right out the gate.
I would reject the internalized social construct of honorable/dishonorable woman that is quite an exhausting binary system to maintain and decode. I learned to prefer the Imago Dei and let my past be where it is – a teacher of wisdom and mercy.
I do not know your name but I am sure it is ‘blessed.’
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I found this post when looking for former sex workers that I could talk with, as I know that my time in this industry has left me scared, Most likely perm. through all of time in it. I can’t seem to find a support for getting out of this and that has me scared, because I have know one to talk to. My story is similar, started at 18 to care for my child, never got involved in drugs, I’m hurt inside that I took it much further. Can anyone point me in a safe direction??
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Carly – you are not alone. You are welcome to talk to others who have left the sex industry at http://www.sexworkersanonymous.com
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