Reclaiming Our Birthright of Joy by Mary Gelfand

Part 2 was posted yesterday

In my earlier piece on joy I wrote about collective joy—the kind that can be experienced in larger groups of people engaging in a shared experience that brings them a sense of joy and connection, like dancing in the streets. Here I’m talking about a more personal kind of joy, shared perhaps with a few people.  

Speaking as a woman and a feminist, I have often been conflicted about joy.  Sure I want to experience joy, but I often feel guilty about it.  How can I allow myself to feel the simple joy that beauty and cosmic connection can bring when there is so much suffering in the world? When I was finally able to accept that denying myself joy did not reduce the suffering of others and was harmful to me, I was able to move past the guilt trip induced by my Christian upbringing. I began to look for ways to bring more joy into my life, and discovered a mother-lode of wisdom from multiple sources. 

My first question was is joy something I can intentionally seek and bring into my life? Answer: Yes!

I began with my therapist who reminded me that joy is a very ephemeral emotion. It is a place we visit—not a place where we can dwell all the time.  Many people, myself included, expect joy to be an intense peak experience, like my daughter and her partner had when they completed their through hike of the 2100 mile Appalachian Trail (see photo). In seeking those kinds of peak experiences, we forget to notice the many other kinds of joys that are present in our daily lives. So I began looking for those smaller joys—simple joys such as a beautiful sunset, a walk on the beach, spending time with a loved one or pet—which I was already experiencing, but not naming as joyful moments.  Researcher and therapist Brene Brown writes “I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude and inspiration.” So I collect and savor joyful moments.

Last winter I began a new journaling practice which asked me to list something for which I was grateful every day. Because I was actively seeking to bring more joy into my life, I also started listing the things that bought me joy. It did not take me long to realize that the two lists were virtually identical. Things I was grateful for almost always brought me joy, and vice versa. Thus I figured out for myself something Brown discovered in her research.  She says “I never talk about gratitude and joy separately …. In 12 years, I’ve never interviewed a single person who would describe their lives as joyful, who would describe themselves as joyous, who was not actively practicing gratitude.” Actively practicing gratitude is a good strategy for bringing more joy into your life.

Many in our culture intentionally avoid joy. Joy makes us vulnerable because it is so deeply connected to sorrow.  Lebanese poet and mystic Kahlil Gibran writes “Some of you say, ‘Joy is greater than sorrow,’ and others say, ‘Nay, sorrow is the greater.’  But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.” 

When you open yourself to experiencing the kind of joy that is rooted in deep love, you are also risking deep sorrow. My relationship with my daughter brings me much joy.  But I know that loving her so deeply opens me to a comparable amount of sorrow if something should happen to her. That is a risk I’m prepared to take, because the joy is so rich. But some individuals fear sorrow so much that they deliberately avoid joy.

Opening ourselves up to joy is important, despite the risks. Joy fills our emotional reservoir with positive feelings, energy, and love. It provides resources we can draw upon when hard things arise that require great fortitude and strength. Without that reservoir, hard times are even harder and can become overwhelming.

Prior to moving to Maine in 2007, I lived through a couple of emotionally traumatic years. In a four-month period, I lost both my parents and my first husband. I was diagnosed with depression and truly struggled to find any joy, pleasure, or beauty in my life. But my reservoir was already pretty full when all this happened and that well of energy helped me crawl out of the hole in which I dwelt in and begin to heal.

Joy plays an important role in our lives as humans and is a birthright we should reclaim. But joy plays a role in the larger universe as well, and so do we.  Theologian Matthew Fox believes that “The purpose of the universe is Joy. Ours and the Creator’s. Joy does not want to be contained, it demands to be shared, like fire or like a laugh. It wants company and nurtures community.”  

Mystic and poet Terry Tempest Williams writes “Once upon a time there was a simple understanding that to sing at dawn and at dusk was to heal the world through joy. The birds remember what we have forgotten—that the world was meant to be celebrated.”

Healing the world through joy. What a beautiful image—to sing at dawn and dusk—to sing to this world that was meant to be celebrated.  And how simple to do. I’m pretty sure that singing is not the only way to heal the world through joy.  I imagine that prayer, meditation, dancing, laughing, expressing gratitude, walking—many other human activities can heal the world with joy if they are done with that intention. I invite you to find a way to participate in healing the world with joy because in doing so you will also be healing yourself. You will be filling your reservoir of joy so you will have resources for the hard times.

Of all the bits of wisdom I garnered about joy, I try to keep this observation by Unitarian Universalist minister Rev. Peggy Clarke front and center in my mind.  “Joy is not in the circumstances but in the response. The sun rises every day, like it or not.  Being entranced by it is a choice.” Blessed Be.

https://brenebrown.com/

https://www.matthewfox.org/matthew-fox

https://www.barclayagency.com/speakers/terry-tempest-williams