Listening to One Another: Part One by Beth Bartlett

“Listen is such a little, ordinary word that it is easily passed over.  Yet we all know the pain of not being listened to, of not being heard.“[i]  

“You heard me.  You heard me all the way.”  So goes the oft-quoted statement of one of the participants in a consciousness-raising (CR) group in which feminist theologian Nelle Morton participated.  It is a testimony to the power of what happens in CR groups – of hearing each other into speech. “When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.  Ideas actually begin to grow with us and come to life,” wrote Brenda Ueland, the first female journalist in Minneapolis.[ii] This was the blossoming born of CR groups, where women began to discover truths long buried and watch them unfold and come to life. 

It was in a consciousness-raising group that I had my first lessons in how to listen. In the summer of 1980, my friend, Joyce, who was President of the local chapter of NOW, and I, along with a group of other women, trained with the state chapter of NOW in how to lead  CR groups.  We used NOW’s “Guidebook for Consciousness-Raising Groups,” which laid out several rules for the groups, as well as several topics for exploration along with suggested questions.  The rules included steady attendance; beginning and ending on time; absolute confidentiality; speaking from one’s own truth and experience using “I” statements; no interrupting, confronting, arguing, questioning, calling for explanation or justification, eyebrow raising, eye rolling, or hostile glances; and finally, giving each woman undivided attention – one person speaks at a time and everyone listens — no knitting, sewing, doodling, side conversations. All would sit in a circle, each woman speaking in turn about her experiences, feelings, thoughts, and perceptions, without interruption, confrontation, critique, or advice.  Honest self-disclosure was valued and encouraged, with a purpose to raise consciousness about one’s own and others’ lives, to recognize common ground, and to move from that to action against oppression.  When Joyce and I ran CR groups, we witnessed the power of truly being listened to, and the incredible privilege of being the one entrusted with listening.  I also learned how to listen to myself, for in that atmosphere, the truths of my own life that I had silenced were spoken.

The method employed in CR groups was important in helping women to find their voice in safe and respectful spaces, apart from the silencing they had so often experienced from men. Feminist support groups also developed around this time.  These were somewhat different from CR groups that had a specific question-posing methodology.  They were places where women could safely  express and find support in the difficulties they were dealing with in patriarchal institutions – from schools to businesses to health care providers to families. However, not everyone in these groups felt listened to.  “Are we being supportive and respectful if we hear but fail to listen to one another?” asked feminist scholar Lynet Uttal, who found the “polite nods” in Anglo feminist support groups to be silencing in a different way.[iii]  As she wrote, “A polite nod does not incorporate ideas into an ongoing discussion. . . . No one is listening when they have no responses. . . . a question or response lets me know that someone is listening to me and working with me to understand. . . I prefer the query which makes my comment a building block in the discussion.”[iv] 

I’ve heard a longing for this kind of query and response in recent FAR posts and responses to them, and this post began partly in response to the desire on the part of many in the FAR community for more participants to engage in dialogue and discussion in response to FAR posts.  After reading Hadia Mubarak’s post on having her speech as a Muslim woman be policed and silenced,[v] it seemed important to address the need not just for discourse, but for discourse that allows all voices to speak and be heard.

Feminists have been committed to inclusion of diverse voices and perspectives, but as Mubarak noted at the beginning of her post, referencing Jessa Crispin’s work[vi], “having token ‘female representation’ does not solve the problem of systemic oppression or marginalization.” As feminist philosopher Patricia Hill Collins noted, “existing power inequities among groups must be addressed . . . the presence of subjugated knowledges means that groups are not equal in making their standpoints known. . . . “[vii]

Feminist philosopher Alison Jaggar also raised this concern in her development of what she called Feminist Practical Discourse (FPD).[viii]  “From the earliest days of consciousness raising, FPD has emphasized the need to provide a nurturant and supportive environment so that participants will feel safe enough to speak openly of their experiences.  Even when women voice their experience, however, we have seen they cannot count on being heard.”[ix]

Certainly Mubarek experienced this pain of not being heard. In Part Two, I will address ways to create an environment in which all can truly listen to one another.

References

Collins, Patricia Hill. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. New York: Routledge, 1991.

Guenther, Margarete. Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction.  Lanham, MD: Cowley Publications, 1992.

Jaggar, Alison M. “Toward a Feminist Conception of Moral Reasoning.” In James P Sterba et.al. Morality and Social Justice: Point/Counterpoint. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield, 1995.

Lugones, Maria and Elizabeth V. Spelman, “Have We Got a Theory for You! Feminist Theory, Cultural Imperialism and the Demand for ‘The Woman’s Voice.’” In Kolmar, Wendy K. & Francis Bartkowski, ed., Feminist Theory: A Reader. 4^th Ed. New York: McGraw Hill, 2013. 17-24.

Morton, Nelle. The Journey Is Home.  Boston: Beacon, 1979.

Mubarak, Hadia. “The Policing of Muslim’s Women’s Speech: Invited, Then Silenced on a Women’s History Month Panel.” Feminism and Religion blog post. April 11, 2024.

Ueland, Brenda. Strength to Your Sword Arm: Selected Writings:  Duluth, Minnesota: Holy Cow! Press, 1993.

Uttal, Lynet. “Nods That Silence.” In Anzaldúa, Gloria. ed. Making Face, Making Soul/Hacienda Caras/Creative and Critical Perspectives by Women of Color. San Francisco: Aunt Lute, 1990. 317-320.

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[i] Guenther, 143.

[ii] Ueland, 205.

[iii] Uttal, 317.

[iv] Ibid., 319.

[v] The Policing of Muslim Women’s Speech: Invited, then Silenced on a Women’s History Month Panel by Dr. Hadia Mubarak   (feminismandreligion.com)

[vi] She was referencing Jessa Crispin’s Why I Am No Longer a Feminist: A Feminist Manifesto.

[vii] Collins, 237.

[viii] Feminist Practical Discourse includes such qualities as valuing first person narrative, the equal importance of every participant, an openness to reevaluating one’s perspective, a nurturant environment, respect, responsibility, and the motivation of care and friendship. More in Part Two.

[ix] Jaggar, 129.