Many, many moons ago, when I was still living in England, my husband and I thought it would be a wonderful idea to join a local meditation group.
Meditation, after all, is rightly praised for conferring countless benefits for body, mind, and soul. Renown teachers such as Pema Chodron, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and Jack Kornfield have popularized the idea of Buddhist-inspired meditation being just what stressed Western people need to live more joyfully and mindfully.
Alas, Pema Chodron, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and Jack Kornfield were all on the other side of the Atlantic. In this pre-Zoom age we had to make do with what was available to us locally. So, we went to a free taster evening led by a Western Buddhist monk who seemed like a kind and well-spoken young man. The venue was pleasant, the participants were friendly and welcoming. The meditation practice itself, a visualization of breathing white light into the heart space and breathing out the gunky stuff, created a heightened mood and expansive state of mind. In this altered state, we listened to the monk speak about Buddhist philosophy. I didn’t agree with everything he said—he was a bit too ascetic and world-denying to my taste. Even so, the meditative experience itself was so enjoyable that we became regulars and befriended the other regulars. Not only did we attend the weekly meditation sessions, but we also joined the group activities, such as fundraising walks and other events.
Fast forward a few months. Our teacher asked if I would lead a few sessions, as he had teaching commitments elsewhere. At first, I was honored. But then as I understood this was meant to be a regular thing and not the one off, it began to seem very strange. In most traditions, students study meditation for considerably longer than a few months before they are asked to lead classes. I wasn’t even an actual Buddhist and had never taken refuge vows.
Yet not only was I asked to lead the meditation, I was expected to lecture on Buddhist philosophy. I was told to purchase a book by the monk’s spiritual leader, study each chapter, and talk about the message. I learned that in this school of Buddhism, people were only allowed to read books written by their spiritual leader and not by other Buddhists of any other school. Some of the stuff in this book just seemed off. Any act of self-assertiveness or personal agency was denounced as “self-cherishing,” supposedly a dangerous obstacle to enlightenment. However, shame was celebrated as good thing as it helps herd a straying student back to the One True Path. This caused my alarm bells to go off big time.
I also learned that this branch of Buddhism preached a fanatical opposition to the Dalai Lama. They worshipped a protector deity called Dorje Shugden, shunned as a malevolent spirit by other schools of Tibetan Buddhism. My teacher was urging people to picket and protest the Dalai Lama’s upcoming visit to the UK.
My head exploded. To think that my innocent desire to practice meditation in community had landed me in some bizarro spirit-worshipping, Dalai Lama-hating cult!
The NKT is a new brand of pseudo-Buddhism, made in the United Kingdom. Very keen on fundraising, they have opened numerous meditation centers and residential centers across the UK and across the world. Tibetan Buddhists from actual lineage traditions won’t go near them.
I was lucky. By the time I learned how toxic this group was, my husband and I could get out unscathed. We had invested some time and money, but weren’t deep into the organization. Others weren’t so fortunate. Seduced by the feel-good meditations and the lure of enlightenment, flattered to be asked to teach, other people got roped into opening residential centers, volunteering their time as cooks at the NKT cafes, or even making monastic vows to the organization. The last option is a poverty trap. The monks and nuns subsist on social benefits from the UK state while spending all their time volunteering to teach, fundraise, and run the residential and retreat centers.
Here are some survivor stories:
Is the New Kadampa Tradition a Cult?
If I had it to do over again, I would have done my online research before attending the first class. This is what I now recommend to everyone joining a spiritual group or even a harmless-sounding meditation evening. Google the name of the organization or the leader and then add the words “cult,” “controversy,” or “criticism” in the search box and see what comes up.
As well as the danger of cults, there is also a very real problem of women and girls being sexually abused in some spiritual communities. We’ve all heard countless stories about high-profile Yoga teachers and gurus being found guilty of sexual misconduct and abuse.
Author, activist, and feminist Yogini, Uma Dinsmore-Tuli has started “Yoni Shakti: The Movement” to protest this abuse. The goal, as stated on the website, is: Eradicate Abuse of Women in Yoga and Reclaim Yoga as a Tool for Healing and Justice. You can join the movement and download the information packet for free.
Uma has created a comprehensive 13-point checklist of warning signs to let you know when you have accidently stumbled into a toxic group. You can access the list below. If I’d had this list way back when I joined that meditation group, I would have been able to extricate myself a lot earlier.
The problem with many gurus and spiritual teachers is that they encourage seekers to look for power and spiritual meaning outside themselves–in the guru or the group. As Yoga Nidra teacher and author, Tracee Stanley explains in a video conversation with Uma Dinsmore-Tuli, a good teacher will point you to the teacher within your own heart and teach you to find Source within your own soul, as women mystics of every faith have done throughout the ages. No ethical spiritual teacher will ask you to “outsource” your power and your center to another person or to a group.
Meditation and Yoga can and should be liberating in every sense of the word. Let’s work together to ensure that the world of Yoga and meditation is a safe refuge for every seeker.
Happy Holidays!
Mary Sharratt is on a mission to write women back into history. Her acclaimed novel Illuminations, drawn from the dramatic life of Hildegard von Bingen, is published by Mariner. Her new novel Revelations, about the mystical pilgrim Margery Kempe and her friendship with Julian of Norwich, is now available wherever books and ebooks are sold. Visit her website.
feminismandreligion.com 
This is great thank you. I am going to share the 13 Warning Signs.
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Please share away!
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Meaning ‘great information to have’ … not great that it happened to you! Glad you realized what was happening.
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Thank you for reading!
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Mary,
Your story is a much needed warning and reverberates with the experiences of so many others. Cults and mind-control activities seem to be flourishing in the 21st C. People long for insight, for uplifting experiences and for safe community, and then get sucked in. I had a brush with a new-age cultish group and what really surprised me was the desire of others to follow an authoritarian leader. For so many people, it is more comfortable to be inside such a group than to be outside, in the wide world, as an individual.Then there are all the internet-spread cults and delusions, which are causing a severe crisis in our society. Truth is hard to find and to follow.
FAR is a reliable place for women-centered spirituality that I have grown to appreciate more and more since I discovered it a couple years ago. It is a rare oasis.
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I really like this – FAR is reliable – yes, indeed.
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Thank you so much for your comments, Ali. Yes, I think there are many people yearning for a spiritual community that might potentially get sucked into cultish, authoritarian groups. And then the whole conspiracy theory stuff running wild on the web.
I am very honored to be a part of FAR and it is a rare oasis! <3
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I have never trusted any of these so called enlightenment groups – feel good groups with some Guru type person… For me my spiritual self HAS to be grounded in Nature and Earth to experience meaning. That’s not to say that as a young person I wasn’t seduced by christianity – because I have always been a seeker and came out of that tradition – guilt and ‘not good enough’ as well as female invisibility and powerlessness certainly fit with my life experience. I am NOT saying this is true for all Christians but it was true for me. “Transcendence” is tricky and we can’t live in that world can we? I do know a “spiritual” group a good friend who is a writer wanted me to join through zoom…I immediately sensed the leader was messianic and oh boy what a fiasco that turned out to be. I was ousted almost immediately!!!! Funny. But also sobering to see so any women sucked into ‘only good transcendence’. Creepy too.
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That online group does sound seriously creepy. You have excellent insights for staying grounded and rooted in the Earth and Nature. And enough with “not good enough” and female invisibility. We deserve a lot better!
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Oh I was seriously reprimanded for my lack of attention too!
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Heaven forfend! (Insert rolling eyeballs emoticon . . .) Glad you’re safe and out of there.
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I was never there in the first place – only made two sessions,!
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Forgot to mention how the craziness effected my computer – the damn thing heated up and the motor wouldn’t stop running – totally bizarre – but it totally fit the whole experience!
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Wow!
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Brava! Good good good for warning us that all is not as it seems in the “spiritual” world that is, yes, a world that can capture your mind if you let it. I think we Westerners need to be especially cautious around so-called Tibetan and other Eastern so-called religions. Look what China did to Tibet. Does Tibet even exist anymore?
Several years ago, I edited a book about finding your life purpose by a guy who thinks he’s the smartest kid in the room. He declined to reply to my emails and when I asked him to accept or reject my edits (his writing was awful), he said “We have people to do that.” I finished his book and fired him. I looked him up online and soon found a site that says he runs a cult. So yes, yes, yes, let’s all be careful.
Is the U.S. now filled with political cults??
Thanks again for writing this post. It’s timely and the second illustration (the fingers pulling strings in a head) is wonderful. I hope all’s good by you in Portugal and the horses are happy. Keep writing, my friend. Keep thinking, keep writing.
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Thank you, Barbara! Tibet no longer exists as an independent entity and the Communist Chinese are doing their best to erode and dilute Tibetan culture, language, identity, and religion.
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You’re right about Tibet. I took refuge via ritual with Green Tara in 1988. My teacher was Dagmola Jamyang Sakya, a brilliant woman whose family was the first to leave Tibet in 1950. When I met the Dalai Lama at a talk he gave here in Long Beach, there was a Christian fundie standing–marching–on the sidewalk carrying a profane sign. Alas forTibet. So much wisdom, so much humanity lost,
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It’s very, very sad!
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I’m so sorry this happened to you, Mary. I applaud your sharing your experience so others can learn from it. I think that falling into this kind of cult is such an easy thing to do at least partly because our modern western society is so hierarchical and authority-focused. There is always someone or some magical source that claims to have the answers to the questions we all have and so also claims power over us, whether in spiritual or other realms. Then when we realize that we have been taken in we blame ourselves when, in fact, we’ve been taught our whole lives to trust others over our own wisdom. This post and the links are a wonderful resource for all of us.
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Thanks so much for reading, Carolyn!
“we’ve been taught our whole lives to trust others over our own wisdom.” Yes, you put it so well. This, I believe, is the crux of the matter. We all need to trust and tap into our own wisdom.
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Thank you so much for sharing this Mary. I was in a group that was likely a cult for 17 years. All the hallmarks were there. We felt we were so “special” for being in this exclusive group and we could only remain “special” if we stayed. Anyone who left was bad-mouthed as is described in the material you reference. In our case, they were too fearful or simply dishonest with themselves. Part of the problem is that there was just enough beautiful and real work being done that I couldn’t imagine leaving.
What I couldn’t do for myself, my family helped me. When I saw how my family was being treated, esp when we were in crisis, I knew I could not continue. When I could see the difference between the conditional love of the group and the unconditional love of my family, I left. I still treasure the teachings I received but I am so sad they were peppered with the abuse and control behavior. True to form, when I left, anyone still in the group de-friended me on Facebook and would no longer talk to me. I had clearly received the bad-mouth treatment.
The first years after I got out were really tough because I felt like I didn’t have any purpose, as well as no community of friends. But as I learned more about myself and my own path in life I have found directions that are meaningful and loving and lo and behold, a whole community of people whom I treasure.
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Wow, what an ordeal you went through, Janet. I’m so happy to hear that the unconditional love of your family pulled you through and that you found your own path and community. Many blessings to you!
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