Navigating the Dark by Sara Wright

This morning I read an article about a woman who ‘forgot’ to light one of the candles on the Menorah or what I would call the ‘Tree of Life’ for the Jewish celebration of Hanukkah which takes place over a period of eight nights beginning in December. I was struck by her concern because she had forgotten one of the ‘rules’ and missed a night. Twice over a period of years…

While reading her reflection I noted that she seemed to get close to the underlying meaning behind the lighting of candles (present in every extant tradition) at the darkest time of year – she believed that she was bringing light into the literal darkness of night and kindling the divine spark within herself.

Ah, isn’t that the point behind our human need to light candles regardless of tradition at this time of year?

Of course, long before the advent of candles humankind lit fires for warmth, and light, also reminding us that this time of year we still celebrate the Powers of Fire, powers that include the lighting up of the darkest nights. Today we often use candles more than open fires to express that power.

 But back to this woman’s story. She remained concerned that she hadn’t done her ceremony ‘right’. She concluded by saying that after learning to do the lighting ‘properly’ she felt more spiritually present and proud of herself for ‘getting it right’.

Hmmm…

 My dreams have taught me that ‘forgetting’, dreaming, or having the same experience twice before or during ceremony indicates that there is a message I need to pay close attention to because some insight is trying to become embodied. Was it possible that Spirit was trying to tell her that ‘forgetting’ to light one of the candles on the ‘Tree of Life’ might a way of letting her know that what was important was her intention to integrate the sacred into her life in an embodied way without worrying about the rules?

Naturally I do not know the answer to this question, but after writing and celebrating my own ceremonies for roughly 40 years by drawing on my imagination, many mythological traditions, and my own experiences I have learned that these winter rituals are fluid and what’s most important is to listen and attend to the call (s).

Masking is an important part of winter festivals for a number of reasons. Evil hides in the dark, and this is a time to uncover that presence in oneself and in others. The creating and wearing of masks allows participants to act out shadow responsibly, identify vulnerability, hide innocent selves behind the protective covering and to align oneself with the Powers of Nature to banish dark forces while also being able to participate in other festive ceremonies, should one choose.

Every year seems to become more challenging perhaps because I am getting old, but also because with each year we seem to have sunk deeper and deeper into personal and cultural denial with regard to what has become a suicidal relationship with ourselves and the Earth.

 By creating a mask I am asking for help to protect myself from malignant forces and to deal appropriately with the shadow elements in my own life, so I don’t get caught by them. I also hope that the creation of a mask will help locate me in a larger context than my own because our culture is self – destructing along with the creatures and plants that belong to the Earth. I remind myself that like it or not we remain interconnected. My intent is to acknowledge what is happening so that I might help open the door to creative change, or perhaps more difficult, to bear witness to ‘what is’ without false hope.

 My mask emerged from images I chose that ‘caught’ me though I didn’t know why. I initially chose the mandala. Over a period of about a week I put three pictures together in a collage, adding feathers to the whole. I won’t actually wear this mask because the images I gathered are pasted on the cupboard, but the intent is there. I am allowing the meaning of combined messages seep through my bodily knowing from across the room…

At the same time my general anxiety is running high.

This fits with the central image – the mandala that I lifted from the Abiquiu News (thank you Carol if you read this).  My sense is that I am being drawn into the force field of a rapidly spinning wheel – one that is moving too fast and is going both ways at once. I need to be present for whatever this means. I know nothing about the mandala or who created it, but it may be Pueblo in origin because I recognize the power of the Great and Little Bear in the stylized claws that are moving outward from the center vortex. Bears are above all the most powerful Root Healers present during the Winter Ceremonies of the Pueblo peoples, as well as being symbolic/concrete harbingers of death and rebirth in all Northern Indigenous cultures. Although this is an abstract image I also ‘see’ jagged mountains moving – possibly in reverse (the Mountain Mother?).

The effect of this mandala is unsettling because of its ambivalent spin, and because it is sandwiched in the middle of the two other images my eyes go to it first. Below the collage is a green vining plant that I deliberately included as part of the masking process. Little by little the (personal) meaning behind this mask seems to be becoming clearer. My hope is that whatever is ‘wrong’ here can be contained or reversed. Being able to still the chaos that swirls about might allow beneficent spiritually embodied forces to choose a life affirming direction in unison.

I am not an active participant during the ‘holiday’ season even when I feel lonely. I have made this choice year after year because I have a problem with so much ‘stuff’, sentimentality, chopped up trees, and forced collective cheer.  I do note that I experience heightened anxiety during this turning, perhaps partially because I am being pulled into the collective against my will. Like it or not as I said before, I am connected to the whole. I stay close to home with my animals, write, watch birds, and create and celebrate my own rituals. I interact with the shifting winter weather patterns while taking pleasure from the astonishing beauty that surrounds me…

But most of all, I put my trust in the Wisdom and Power of the Bears…