A dear colleague is retiring from ministry this year. As I often do at times of celebration, I think about the most meaningful conversations, questions, and impact that person has offered my life. As I was thinking of this colleague in particular, what came to mind was a statement that made to him that sparked a conversation that has been ongoing between us for almost a decade: “That church is not for me.”
My friend talked about driving his motorcycle down a well-traveled highway and seeing church after church. If you know churches, you know that church signs can be anywhere from enjoyable to problematic. Some church signs try to convey witty messages, but they often miss the mark. Other times, a church speaks of its beliefs or current sermon series, using insider churchy language that does not hit with those whom the sign may be trying to reach in the first place. But church signs do exist for a purpose – to catch the eyes of travelers, which was undoubtedly the case with my colleague.
“I was driving down this road, and the sign that caught my attention said, ‘Bible Believing Church,’ and I’ve been thinking about that repeatedly,” he stated. I replied that I didn’t need to think about that sign; I knew exactly what it was trying to convey—that I was not welcome there.
Which broke my friend’s heart.
He had never considered the coded part of the ‘Bible Believing Church,’ maybe because he would be welcomed in that church wholeheartedly. A white male pastor with a wonderful wife and two grown adult kids, he would more than likely be accepted into their pulpit, even if they didn’t agree with some of the theological stances of our denomination, because he would be the epitome of the image they hold in their minds of what a pastor should be.
Me… not so much.
While I, too, share certain privileges with my colleague, the fact that I am a woman pastor would not be welcomed in that ‘Bible Believing Church.’ I’ve heard it several times. I heard it from the first time I spoke of my call to someone outside my local church pastor and family. I jumped in my car and drove several hours to a Christian camp to meet one of my dearest friends, serving as a camp counselor that summer. I told him what the Holy Spirit was stirring in my life and how I felt compelled to respond to this overwhelming and undeniable call. Joy was spilling out of me – that I was finally ready to set aside my desire and plans and live into this vocational calling. Only to have him stare at me and say, “It’s sinful for you to be a pastor because you’re a woman.” Conversation over.
I’ve heard the message that women shouldn’t be pastors from the congregation member who warmly shook my hand the first Sunday at her church, only to have her say, “Just so you know, you will never be my pastor since you’re a woman.” I’ve heard it from the echoes of empty pews as congregation members tell the stories of friends and family members who refuse to come to worship because “we have a female preacher.” I’ve heard it from ministerial colleagues who refuse to participate in groups where female clergy are present. I’ve listened to it from colleagues who will be part of ministerial associations but spend the entire time making fun of the women in the room. If there is a verse from Paul that someone thinks I haven’t heard before – I can guarantee I have—several times.
And yet. And yet, as much as I know that I would not be welcomed in that ‘Bible Believing Church,’ I also know that they do not have the right to diminish my call. This is every emerging call that embraces the fullness of who I am, including my gender. I choose not to attend that ‘Bible Believing Church’ because I don’t want to have to sacrifice part of my identity – hiding my vocation for the sake of avoiding arguments or judgment. But just because I avoid that particular flavor of Christianity does not mean that I am not part of the body of Christ. I want to be in a place where all of me is welcomed, not just a piece.
BIO: Michelle Bodle has served for over a decade as a pastor in the United Methodist Church and spiritual director. She creates sacred spaces of holy listening through Abide in the Spirit, www.abideinthespirit.com
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Feminism and Religion 
Female rabbis are not accepted in all “flavours” of Judaism either. But I know one rabbi, who moved from Russia to Canada, whose young son asked her “Mom, can men be rabbis?” His mother as a rabbi was all he knew.
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Church signs are inspiring–but not always in the ways intended. For nine years I taught at a community college in a conservative town. I was taken aback when I first interviewed for the position when, in a casual conversation, one of the faculty or staff asked me if I were a church goer. But I got and took the job, and did not attend church. But I did write poetry. Here is one I wrote while living there and later published. I hope you enjoy it (it’s a fan fave at open mic readings!).
Forbidden Fruit Jam
Sunday’s sermon title
on the Baptist Church sign
sternly warns:
FORBIDDEN FRUITS MAKE MANY JAMS.
As I drive past,
my thoughts ripen
toward luscious, lickable loganberry lips,
and sweet, dark cherry syrup
finger-spread across your
tongue.
Our table is laden with fresh figs and dates,
lychee and kumquat.
Golden grape clusters spill over platters
of persimmon, quince, orange, and lime.
In the steamy kitchen
you peel soft skin
from round ripe peaches
while I pare the zest of citrus rinds
until our hands
preserve the scent of pleasure.
Exotic fruit flesh bubbles
into thick aromas.
You kiss the marmalade sweat
from my neck and brow—
Oh, don’t stop now—
Keep stirring our wild raspberry-rhubarb passion
until the perfect full rolling boil
draws me in sticky sheets
and we can keep
the lid
on this jar
no longer.
Unintentionally evoking
the tangy spice
of our illicit mango love,
that preacher will never know
the delicious truth
of his marquee’s message.
Originally published in When East Was North by the author (Andrea Millenson Penner), published by Mercury HeartLink (2012). You’re welcome to cross-post it as long as you cite my work. Thank you!
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Michelle, I felt heartbroken reading your post – what you have had to put up with..! So hurtful, like physical blows, each of those cruel comments. All I can say is that those people’s God is very small indeed.
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