Standing Under the Stars by Sara Wright

one winter night
 a velvet cloak
wrapped herself
 around me
starry cosmos
poured down
 points of light.

kindled a planetary fire
 casting a circle
 inviting Spirit to hover
  recovering
 abandoned Body…

once embraced
 Winged Animal
Presence
Guided me Home.

 A little Story about How Nature Heals

Yesterday I spent hours working with a computer man – a kindly soul who never looks down on me for my incompetence, a generous man who never charges me money I do not have.

The remainder of day (that began before computer man and lasted until nightfall) I spent attempting to deal with crazymaking. A scientist I deeply admire emailed me with a forked tongue  – one side “understanding’ the other pushing  my personal limitations. Boundary violations shatter my bodily integrity. Keen disappointment and my respect for this person came under fire. With that much said I refuse to make judgments because I do not know what might have precipitated this behavior.

By nightfall my exhaustion, my confusion over this man’s unwillingness to let go left me walking on air with a headache so blinding it brought me to my knees.

I had morphed into a human head. No soul, no body, an absent spirit.

Without conscious intention I walked out into the still polar night, gazed up and was swept away by a myriad of stars. Past present future coalesced into Now and I was healed by pure Wonder.

Just to be alive to participate in the Beauty of Earth and the Beauty of the Stars was Enough. I came indoors and climbed into bed relaxing for the first time that day. Nestled between two out of three of my three my beloveds (two happen to be dogs) I slept in peace.

Why tell such a simple tale? Our days spent on earth are full of daily dramas, some that leave us enervated. One way to help us regain our balance is to turn to natural beauty for sustenance. I didn’t think to put myself under a frozen dome cracked with stars to find peace, and yet I ended up outdoors seemingly by accident. An encounter with earth and cosmos recovered soul – spirit – body even as the trees slept on.

 In my world repeated encounters with Natural Beauty are essential for survival.

This morning writing out this explanation for my poem revealed that yesterday was just another day of extremes. Two men, one so generous, the other speaking in forked tongues…

  These opposite polarities reflect the reality of these dark times.

 ‘What can we do’? I hear this question asked over and over. We answer with different words but all point in the same direction.  First, we separate ourselves from the national and international drama which is so horrific that its poison is toxic, entering each cell.  Severely limiting or blocking out the news seems essential  for everyone I talk with. This is not to say that we are not feeling the horrors that the human and more than human victims are experiencing. These infusions of grief are ongoing, and they manifest through our daily experiences as they did mine yesterday. I also feel them repeadly by witnessing shrinking lichens, disappearing birds, dying trees, fires, floods and zub-zero temperatures. I feel them surfacing through the polluted air I breathe, through waves of mindless anger and fury, through depression and through unwelcome out of body experiences.

Each of us experiences our emotions in different ways. All are acceptable but it’s important not to act out these feelings of helplessness, the root cause of our rage, grief and even hatred.  Perhaps more critical is the nature of despair. I think the latter is an extreme form of the cultural and cross – cultural insanity seeping through our skin, a more deadly way each cell is being toxified. Trying to take us over, paralyzing us like the spider does when capturing live prey.

  If I am correct, then unpacking our despair/ grief rage etc. may help us understand that interspecies relationship is just how it is – both light and dark are tangled together as one. We cannot separate our lives from the whole. We are all connected like the mycelial network that lies hidden beneath our feet and more distantly by the stars above our heads. All nature is sentiment certainly on earth so sentience probably extends to include the whole cosmos, though it’s effects may be less extreme. We don’t know enough to make a determination, though scientific theories abound. The unfortunate difference between western culture and rest of nature is that we westerners operate as if we are separate from everyone else. Worse, we forget that Icarus flew too close to the sun. Behaving like gods we are now facing global destruction.

 I think the important thing at this point is to recognize that we need to protect ourselves as best as we can and at the same time stay open for possibilities. Definitely a ‘both and perspective’ – holding the opposites – acknowledging the brokenness of selves and the earth (The latter whose sadness grows deeper with each passing day my dream told me yesterday).

That this is a challenge is an understatement. Virtually every person I talk with is focusing on acts of kindness and compassion, helping others however they can (human and more than human). Some days I am not up to the job, and despair creeps in but I know its temporary and I don’t give in. Instead, I acknowledge my limitations, refuse to punish myself/others with harsh judgements, commit to awareness, and the willingness to go on.   Loving Attention to self and other seems to be one ‘call’ we can answer as we move deeper into the chaos ahead.