This was originally posted on Jan 5, 2014
“Furthermore, like Obama, [de Blasio] projects a masculinity that is empathic and introspective — anathema to the patriarchal attitudes that dominate hierarchal institutions like the police.”
I wish the analysis that accompanies this quote had been mine, but maybe I should be glad that it comes from aninsightful young man who goes by the name liamcdg. He who argues that the real beef the New York police have with Bill de Blasio is his challenge to their definition of masculinity as dominance, or shall we say white male dominance.
As noted by liamcdg, in the NYPD version of reality, parents should teach children to comply “to comply with New York City police officers even if they think it’s unjust.” In terms of competing definitions of masculinity, the NYPD version is that men in power should be respected simply in virtue of their position, even if they are acting or appearing to act unjustly. In other words we should respect the powerful because they are powerful.
To be empathetic is to be able to put yourself in another person’s place, and in its literal meaning, to feel the feelings of another. In the recent public conversations about race and the police, both Obama and de Blasio have invited white Americans to put themselves in the place of a black man stopped by the police for little or no reason and to ask themselves how they would feel in that situation.
In so doing, liamcdg asserts, Obama and de Blasio were not simply trying to explain the feelings of those on the other side of the racial divide, they were also redefining masculinity. We all know that according to traditional stereotypes, the realm of feeling is the realm of women. And of course we also know that real men don’t cry. Yet what is happening to black men is enough to make anyone who feels their feelings want to cry.
The conflicts between de Blasio and the police and Obama and a large segment of the older white male voting public may have as much to do with the challenge to white male privilege as it has to do with any particular event or issue. White male privilege involves a complex interconnection of race and sex. It is about the power that comes or is expected to come to one simply by virtue of being born into a white male body.
In recent weeks I have been asking myself why the police are so upset. After all there is room for improvement in any profession. Over the past few years I have also struggled to understand why some people object so strongly to the idea that women have a right to control their own bodies, to choose birth control or abortion. I am coming to the conclusion that the vehemence of the protest is rooted in the perception that the patriarchal edifice is crumbling.
Forty years ago, inspired by the feminist movement, men began to speak about redefining masculinity. This was easier said than done. It is so easy to accuse men who criticize male power as domination of being “sissies,” “girls,” or “gay.” Even men who might of wanted to discuss the subject were all too often afraid of being labeled.
I say the fact that the NYPD is turning its back on de Blasio is one measure of how far we have come. I suggest that the NYPD recognizes that a different definition of masculinity and male power is being born right before their eyes. And it is this that they cannot bear to see.
We have been taught that feeling and feeling the feelings of others belongs in the feminine realm. What if it doesn’t? What if in the end male power and female power are much the same? And what if they both begin with empathy?
Perhaps we really have “come a long way baby.”
According to Heide Goettner-Abendroth, whose work I am fond of quoting in FAR, matriarchal societies defined the power of males and the power of females similarly. You can see a video here.
What if Freud got it wrong? What if males do not have to differentiate themselves from their mothers by becoming “not like” women and girls? What if masculinity and feminity are not polar opposites? What if all any of us have to do is to learn to embody the qualities of those who nurture us?
We are beginning to glimpse a different world. Any thoughts on how to bring the NYPD and other older white males into a new world along with us?
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As an expat American writer living in Crete 10 years now, I still miss my dear friend “Karolina” each day: we met and spent much time together in her last two years of life here, and had many conversations in cafes and her home on this topic. Carol was the perfect blend of serious writer and jovial friend, and she saw clearly that two crucial aspects of ancient Minoan Crete’s civilization were their joyfully cooperative gender egalitarianism and their women’s and men’s shared love of nature, which underwrote their still-unmatched age of matricultural achievements. Thus Carol understood early-on how much “the West” lost—or rather, destroyed and tried to bury—when the Mycenaeans’ patriarchal war-state took over the political order and tried to banish the Minoans from our collective memory, with outright violence and ridicule for any men uninterested in their so-called ideals of conquest, slavery and exploitation. I think Carol would hope that we will all keep working together toward a “new” kind of manhood like the Minoans’, in which their respect for nature and women will bring us to a far better place than militaristic kleptocracy ever did or could. Peace! ANCIENTLIGHTS.ORG
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Yes! A new kind of manhood that has been here all along – just buried by the Bully. Good men, protectors, supporters of women are out there – too busy doing their jobs to be making noise.
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Critical post ” In terms of competing definitions of masculinity, the NYPD version is that men in power should be respected simply in virtue of their position, even if they are acting or appearing to act unjustly. In other words we should respect the powerful because they are powerful.” These words embody what I see everywhere – police etc. That attitude of entitlement… that Power reigns – HOWEVER, in the big picture I do believe that patriarchy is in the throws of collapse – my desperate hope is that it is sooner rather than later while we still have air to breathe.
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I’ve been reading and discussing gender identity with some Indigenous friends. They traditionally live in a matriarchal social and governance structure. The matriarchs, the gender who births and nurtures children, make the decisions. The role of the male is to protect, to be far seeing , to ensure the longevity of the clan, to be discerning. The gender work in partnership, not as one gender being subservient to the other. A social structure that is respectful of gay or two spirit people as having special gifts.
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In intact indigenous tribal cultures it is normalized to behave this way – we COULD learn so much about learning to become human again if we bothered to pay attention.
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They never imprisoned people because they would focus on correction, rehabilitation through ceremonies and connection with the land.
We have correctional facilities that don’t make correct their prime focus. We have penitentiary but don’t focus on penance. And once someone is finished their sentence they carry the stigma and the shame the rest of their lives.
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you are right about imprisonment – i spent time in the Amazon with tribal peoples and was surprised to discover one little community had a jail hut – what? I asked and my guide laughed – the only time a man spent ONE night in ‘jail’ – remember this is a hut – open – was if he got drunk or beat his wife – hmmm humiliation? Jail time didn’t exist and I have never heard of any Indigenous group that jailed anybody – rehabilitation does involve ceremony for healing – the connection to the land is fundamental to all.
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