The Importance of Including our Girls in Our Women’s Circles by Caryn MacGrandle

The other night I hosted a First Moon Circle for my fourteen year old daughter.  I have been hosting Circles almost a decade, but outside of having them on the ‘periphery’, walking through the sunroom where I host, talking and laughing with all of us after Circle as we eat, occasionally a short ‘sit-down’ in Circle, but nothing where they are included beginning to end.

Because my attitude up until now has been that Circles are work and so are they.  Why mix the two?

But I find myself at new juncture: when you become very strong on who you are, feedback becomes so less relevant.  And I have learned how to hold the rim of the Circle allowing it to flow and sway with minimum effort on my part.

Nowadays I find myself ‘receiving’ from Circles no matter who else is sitting in them and what they are contributing.

It is quite inspiring.

The First Moon Circle consisted of just my two daughters: the fourteen year old who was celebrating her first Moon and my eleven year old who will be following shortly behind.  I had consciously decided to keep the Circle small, and the one other Mom and daughter that I had invited had to cancel last minute.

So I reached out to see if anyone else was interested but was equally fine that no one responded.  My daughter who just started ninth grade had bemoaned for a long time that she had not crossed this threshold.  She had been carrying feminine products around with her for a while, that badge of inclusion, should anyone need to borrow.  I observed how they all wanted to join the ‘club’ but no one really wanted to talk about it.

It is time though and important to enable our daughters to step into their feminine power. 

I had to do this the hard way, learning by mistake, over time and painfully, holding shame and guilt as an accessory.  If I can shortcut that at all for them, it will be well worthwhile.

I began the Circle by saying, I am Caryn, daughter of Patricia, granddaughter of Shirley and Marge, great granddaughter of Allena, Selma, Mary and Ruth, great great granddaughter of Mathilda, Johanna and six others of whose names I do not know but who I hold in my heart.

My daughters had difficulty with this, and I thought fondly of the day that they will be able to say with certainty their maternal lineage.  I explained how when we say their names, we bring them, their memory, their spirit and their presence into our Circle.

It is important to remember that at some point, their ancestors were eleven and fourteen on the threshold of their life:  good choices, bad choices, honor, strength, love, hate, anger, trauma, pain, challenges.  No matter what their life held, and it most likely held all of that, their contribution helped to make you this exact person you are sitting here.

ReMember them.  And keep them in your heart.

My eleven year old said, ‘but Nana is not dead.’  And I said no, but we  bring her presence into the Circle regardless.  It is like a ‘prayer’ or when two people far away think of each other at the same time and call.  Our consciousness is linked, and speaking of them activates that connection.

It makes you realize that you are not alone in your journey.  You carry all of your ancestors inside you.

I reflected briefly that this was one of the issues with the paternal religion of my upbringing: that it did not teach you this strength in yourself but instead instilled strength, trust and dependence on a being outside of yourself.

How very exciting to be living in times that we are balancing this:  the masculine and the feminine.

Throughout our human story, cultures have known of the power that a bleeding female body holds.

It is most definitely not a curse but one of the most awe inspiring and wonder Filled abilities out there. And when we embrace and respect our cyclical nature, acknowledging that we are not the constant animus of the masculine, but instead we are push and pull, light and dark, ferocity and gentleness, when we learn to live within our feminine tides, we are Unstoppable.

Throughout the Circle, I could see my daughters’ young tendrils reaching tentatively towards all of this, holding it at arm’s length with their restlessness, bug bites that were bothering them, shyness at singing, but yet wanting and needing it so very badly.

After our meditation, we pulled cards.  My two were Our Lady of Guadalupe from the Divine Feminine Oracle deck by Meggan Watterson symbolizing the protection of a mother’s love and “Listen. Reflect. Mirror” from Goddess on Earth Oracle from Lisa Levart symbolizing the stages of a women’s life. 

Listen.  Reflect.  Mirror. 

That is what we do for each other.  We are mirrors, shiny and attracting, holding up reflections for each others growth.

Sacred activism includes allowing and inviting all to our Circles: creating community and allowing spaces for inspiration for all.

As the creator of the divine feminine app, I have watched, been aware of and participated in thousands of Circles over the years.  I find it amazing how much they mirror my journey.  My first Circles were needed for my healing and to grow strong.

Now that I am secure in who I am, I can reach out from stability.

Nowadays, there are so many women’s circles around.  It fills my heart with joy.  But not so many all gender, or men’s and far too often, the ones I see are filled with only similar faces of the same color and class.

Circles where you feel that level of comfort and safety with similar participants are needed, but then reach out.  Important work we are doing.  I feel that more and more these days.

Here is the poem my daughter randomly picked to open the Circle at the end.  Molly Remer’s Goddess Devotional is a favorite of mine, and it always is spot on.  My daughter randomly picked this page, tried to pick another ‘shorter’ one and came back to this page. 

It calls you.  Listen.  Let us carve out the spaces to help them fulfill their destinies.

Cauldron Prayer

Sweep me into the cauldron
as the first tendrils
of steam begin to rise.
Alert me to the bubbling
within my breast
and to the taste of joy.
Guide me into the depths
where I might steep
in my own knowing
and discover the questions
I’ve forgotten how to ask
waiting to be stirred up
until they become entwined with
a dash of destiny
and a scoop of power.
Stir me in to the abyss
Of the unknown
where I might discover
whole worlds of possibility
Beneath my skin.
Soften me,
tenderize me,
meld me into mellowness,
and spice my senses with awareness.
Let me brew into complexity,
richness,
and depth,
as I drink deeply from
my own life
and savor the flavor
in this cauldron of being,
Becoming,
Birthing,
And breathing.