Father Root by Sara Wright

My habit has been to hide

once I know he’s around,

to deny his presence, the fright that

springs from every cell,

my body on scream.

 I harm myself forcing me

to do his will – ‘Keep going’

I screech cruelly, soundlessly,

‘so what if it hurts,

You cannot afford to feel’.

At 3 AM I shoveled ice

with strength I no longer have

driven by his demonic voice.

He’d already murdered the day before.

My grouse whose delicate spiral

footprints brought joy to

my heart became his first kill.

After exhaustion hit

he refused to let me shut the door.

No boundaries for him,

He’s coming in.

He flies through the sky

 on smoke fouled air.

Vulnerability is the crack

he’s waiting for…

a frightened woman

 excites his game.

…

A carpenter came today

 and couldn’t

explain why the storm door

 refused to close.

It took another predator sighting

to identify who was behind

the forced opening.

He was coming in

and wanted me to know it.

Have I no defense at all?

Paralyzed, my stomach churns

Head aches, body can’t rest,

a malignant force drones on.

I expose him for who he is.

 I stand what I know.

  I pray to the Mother Root

(Mary, Birds, beloved Tree)

cast your circle around me.

Three times three. 

Conjure up beneficent

Man powers to stop him.

Father Root.

Stop him at the Threshold!

Wield that thunderbolt.

Cast your circle around me.

Three times three.

Banish him!

Who would harm an old

woman who seeks only peace,

 loves animals, plants,

  the Earth ?

Only a Psychopath.

 Listen please – Help her please.

She prays through poetry for your Grace.

Postscript: this post had only been on my blog for about ten minutes when some caring person emailed me to ask if I was all right saying that the post evoked something scary in her.

What follows is my response:

Your gut response is probably associated with knowledge of the predator – we have so many on the outside these days, but this one is internal – and it’s important to name it, I think.

It may be that this force is increasing in its ability to frighten, paralyze, or drive a person – I don’t know but I am aware that it is not just personal. Endless distractions and busy behavior are ways to hide from this presence in our lives.

During the winter months it is especially active in me because it’s getting harder to take care of myself – and when this force is operating it pushes me to extremes.

This woman names this predator force Patriarchy, and I must agree…. both women and men are struggling with this voice on the inside and the outside, and its worth repeating that it’s important to NAME it for what it is. The Predator, inside and out.

BIO: Sara is a naturalist, ethologist (a person who studies animals in their natural habitats) (former) Jungian Pattern Analyst, and a writer. She publishes her work regularly in a number of different venues and is presently living in Maine.