For the last year, I have been scheduled and planning a trip to Brazil, having been invited to speak, plus do a workshop at a conference in Sao Paulo and then two workshops in Brasilia. Four weeks ago, and three days after a Pertussis vaccine (needed before I could see my new great-granddaughter), I was hit with bronchitis which exacerbated an acute flare of my asthma. I was in the ER three weeks ago, but went home trusting that the steroids would work. They did not. So Sunday (the 15th), I once more bit the bullet and headed to the ER, now in a panic, unable to breathe.
They admitted me and here I am. Stressed and struggling to breathe, I quickly learned that I was never going to be able to be far removed from oxygen again, bringing up the issue of what to do about my trip, not really being able to get oxygen in Brazil and cost prohibitive to take it with me. My Sisters and dear friends here were all so generous trying to help keep my dream alive, while those in Brazil were being much more real about concerns for my health and what the trip could cost me, health wise. I think those here just really wanted the trip for me, as I did, and I love them for that.
All of this was adding to my stress and I was not responding to treatment as they hoped.
Yesterday, my dear friend, Brother, in the Craft, asked me to please not come. He offered another trip when I am better. At those words, I was able to see the wisdom of what was being said to me and I cancelled my trip, for now. So many wonderful things were going to happen on this trip – the speaking engagements, seeing my friends and chosen family there, plus I was being ordained as a priestess in the Fellowship of Isis, a dream of many years. A lot to let go of, but I did. Hopefully, not for too long.
What happens when you let go? The space is now cleared for what I really need. My healing process immediately improved. I left Intermediate Care yesterday afternoon and am now in a regular care section, which means I am getting better. I still cannot detach from oxygen, but that and its meter are now the only things attached to me, so I can get up and do for myself for much of what I need. I am breathing deeper, strangling less and my stress levels are nearing normal. I am hoping to go home Monday, the 23rd, as they wean me down from so much oxygen, finish the antibiotics and wean me off the steroids.
I am sharing all of this because many times we all can forget about the value of “letting go.” We focus so hard on what it is that we are being told we must give up, that we lose sight of what is most important and that many times, simply by that one thing – letting go – what we need most will be given to us.
I am grateful that I have not lost my trip forever. I am grateful for the wonderful advice my wise friends have all offered and all the generosity of support from everyone. And finally I am grateful for the space so clearly received so that I may return to better health.
So when you are faced with having to let go of what appears to be necessary and so very special in your life, remember that opening that can come with that one simple step of letting go.
Blessings are often quite hidden until you allow yourself to reveal them.
Deanne Quarrie. D. Min. is a Priestess of the Goddess. She is the author of five books. She is the founder of the Apple Branch where she teaches courses in Feminist Dianic Witchcraft, Northern European Witchcraft and Druidic Studies. She mentors priestesses who wish to serve others in their communities. She is also an Adjunct Professor at Ocean Seminary College and is the founder of Global Goddess, a worldwide organization open to all women who honor some form of the divine feminine, and publishes the Global Goddess Oracle at each Sabbat.